Stronger
by Mikka K-chan
Summary: *YAOI/YURI* Ken angsts over what he should have and could have done, while making a few wishes for his children.


K-chan -- Well… um… I don't know Digimon? There's shounen ai, and a hint of shoujo ai? This, amazingly, follows the cannon world.  
  
Seiji -- You? Following cannon? *boggles*  
  
Wormmon -- This is from Ken-chan's point of view! Please read and enjoy it, ~piku!  
  
K-chan -- *sweatdrop* Piku? Oh good god. Oh- Ami, Tetsuya, Keiko, Osamu the younger, and Aiko are all just made up names. Not official. Thank you. =) And 'Ryou' is the boy that Ken pushed out of the way from the Dark Spore attack in the flashback, as well as star of the Tag Teamer games. If anyone cares.  
  
  
  
  
  
___ Stronger  
  
  
  
A lot of times, I wonder how things would have happened if I had been braver.  
  
Stronger.  
  
Would I be this unhappy? Would I have dragged her in to this unhappiness to? Would both of us have had different lives, stronger, happier lives?  
  
Yet… if this hadn't happened, we wouldn't have the kids. Keiko. Osamu. Aiko. All three of them are wonderful, a good balance between her and myself. They're intelligent, smart, athletic, sweet, creative, talented, and outgoing.  
  
I love them more than anything. Could I wish for a life without them?  
  
If I had been stronger… maybe Ryou would still be around. Maybe Osamu- nichan, as well. The Kaiser might have not existed; Wormmon might have never gotten hurt. Maybe I would be with him right now.  
  
I still love him, I always will. But he has his wife- Ami. She's a beautiful woman, smart and courageous, but a good stable rock for him. He also has his son, Tetsuya. The child reminds me a lot of how his father was at his age, always in the lead and running, friendly and cheerful. Keiko is seemingly always annoyed by him. Osamu thinks the other boy's stupid, but is his best friend despite- or maybe because- that.  
  
What goes around comes around? This sins of our fathers? The Generation loop? Always and forever?  
  
Who knows, sometimes.  
  
He thinks it's amusing that our kids are so much like us.  
  
If they are, I hope both Keiko and Osamu don't make the mistakes Miyako and I did.  
  
I do love her, you know.  
  
Not the way she deserves to be…  
  
But I love her. And she loves me, as well. We get by- it's not torture to be with each other, to hold each other, to sleep with each other, to say we love each other. We have three beautiful children- and maybe someday, we might have another.  
  
I don't think I would mind that. I like being a father.  
  
Maybe because I remember how my father was to me as a child.  
  
The five of us go a lot of places as a family; we spend a lot of time together. Miyako is like a mother to many of the neighborhood kids, and Iori's daughter even calls her 'Okaasan'. I coach one of the school's soccer teams, and always take the kids and their friends out somewhere on Friday nights- the mall, the movies, the park….  
  
All of us are clothed well. Our neighbors talk about how Miyako and I still try to go out together every Sunday night, just the two of us. Our house is a nice four bedroom one, with three bathrooms and a large yard for the kids.  
  
I'm happy with my job, and it produces a good income. Miyako always says she's happy at home, and she's been known to do some work for Izumi-kun's company at the house.  
  
It's a good life.  
  
Not the life I would have chosen for myself…  
  
But it's good.  
  
And really, it's all I have.  
  
Our first date was a spying event, a friend's little adventure thing. Chasing after Daisuke, Hikari, Takeru and Mimi, on their double date. We spied and followed them around, until finally Mimi spied us in her pocket mirror. We had to have an excuse on why were half hidden standing against each other- so we looked at each other, and, in one movement, kissed.  
  
It wasn't outstanding.  
  
It wasn't a kiss of true love, of pure happiness, of anything of that sort. It was just a kiss of two normal 14-year-olds. It wasn't my first kiss (as a child, Osamu-nichan's friends used to always give me kisses. Back as a child it was disgusting, of course.). I don't think it was hers, either.  
  
They all congratulated us- and we accepted that, talking about how we were a couple, and a like- I think more to hide our secrets from them than anything else. And we continued like that.  
  
We never had a break up. Sora once spoke about how we must truly share true love, and happiness. Miyako and I nod, then watch as she goes back to staring at emails from Mimi and how her husband ran across the universe to get away from Taichi.  
  
True love….  
  
I wish I had been stronger. I wish I could have told him so many years ago. I wish that things hadn't turned out the way that they did.  
  
I wish…  
  
I wish that Keiko, Osamu and Aiko never have to go through the emotional hell both Miyako and I have went through. I hope that if their lives ever follow the way ours did… that they would be stronger.  
  
I can't change my life.  
  
I can't go in the past and make up for my mistakes.  
  
But I wish he had known. No matter the consequences, no matter the outcome, I wish he had known.  
  
Right now I can make no changes. I can't change the past. I just have to keep going, keep supporting my family.  
  
Miyako and I are stuck.  
  
It's not fair to any of us…  
  
But we can't change.  
  
I'm just sorry, though.  
  
I should have at least told him I loved him. 


End file.
